Well I don't mean to rub it in but wow has it ever been beautiful here lately. It's a nice 60 degrees (F) outside during the day and not freezing my ass off at night. But enough about that. I know some of you are suffering through a terrible winter. We hardly feel as though it has even began little lone almost ending. ENOUGH ALREADY.
Family:
Recently I have found more of my long last relatives via Facebook. Cousins I have not seen since I was a small child. We used to play together a lot as kids. I miss them a lot more then what is probably natural. But I am happy to say we are now in contact once again. We have all changed so much. Which is redundant to say but I look back and think about whether or not this or that one turned out the way they planned or thought they would. Some are circumstances of being from a small town and therefore never ever left their home town. Others have moved further away then I thought possible. None the less we obviously have all grown up and I have to say regardless of our pasts don't seem to be doing to terrible. I sometimes wish that I could move closer so that my daughter could grow up playing with her cousins in the way I did. It's just not in the cards. I have however been invited to visit. That just might be a possibility one day in the far future. It is important that my daughter know where my roots are. That pretty much means Louisiana.
Kristeena (THE GOOD AND THE NOT SO GOOD)
NOT SO GOOD
My daughter is a different story altogether. She has found herself grounded for the last week. No TV, computer, phone, friends, no music, or basically anything that could remotely equal fun for her. Except books. I will never take those away, she just may not always get to choose what she is reading, it is the chance to introduce her to new authors otherwise she will only read The Series of Unfortunate Events. Which isn't a bad thing but it is good to broaden her horizons. She is almost constantly rude, and not just at home. We got a call one morning from her friend's dad saying that Nina had tried to throw away her coat at school. I was to be honest shocked, as she had chosen the coat herself. Anyway she had asked her friend to lie for her and luckily for us her friend is a good friend. She refused to lie for Nina and in fact told her dad who then went and dug her coat out of the garbage. Nina rides home with them each afternoon. When they got home the dad followed her in. She never realized he was carrying a black bag with him. He had taken it home and washed it, very kind family. When he pulled it out of the bag he asked Nina if she knew where he had found it and again even with it staring her in the face tried to lie again. It turns out she was mad because we made her wear it. It was a chilly morning (38 degrees) and she wanted to wear a turtle neck and wind breaker. She did wear those things anyway but dad didn't catch it since it was under the heavier coat. She did not want to have to carry it home, undoubtedly wearing it was to difficult so she threw it away, planning to tell me it had been stolen! Keep in mind the scooter she HAD to have for her bday that was "stolen" the same day she was mad about being told to ride it to school. So anyway she got a week for that. Those things cost a lot of money and we wanted her to think about it. The fact she called her friend's dad a liar after he left was what sealed her week into stone. She proceeded the next day to go through the teacher's desk at school AND get in trouble for passing notes. Her "stubborn attitude is getting harder to handle" was the note I got sent home. When I asked her about it she called the teacher a liar. Sorry when it comes down to who has been lying to me and who has not sorry Nina dear but you loose. She then proceeded to tell me to "shut the fuck up and get out of my face" BAM! Another week! Just that easy. She has since snuck out under the illusion of walking the puppy and I caught her at a friends house and him tied (with his short walking leash) to their porch with no water. I was furious. Another week for animal cruelty. I did not think it was making a difference until today. (Sorry War) The sun was shining and it was an AWESOME day to go to the lake. We could not go. We are grounded. We didn't like this. Most of all the little girl who sat in her room and cried that I am a mean mommy and this was cruel and unusual punishment. My response of course "You haven't seen nothing yet!" She was supposed to be off grounding tomorrow. She might still be. However I caught her doing a very unsafe thing the other evening in her bath. (Casey & any others jump in for advice here) She had COMPLETELY submerged herself TRACH and ALL and was "practicing holding her breath" her words not mine. I flipped out. It scared the living crap out of me. She is 11 SHE KNOWS BETTER! For those who may not comprehend the dynamics. Basically its like having an a slow leak around the trach at all times when capped off. Where as you are not technically using the trach tube itself there is still a big enough air leak at times that you can actually feel it upon exhale. If she had been off even in the slightest with her exhaling (to counteract the air leak which we do when in the shower to avoid aspirating -its a fun life really lol- ) she would have drown. She would of made no sound she just would of drown with me sitting not 10ft away in the next room. At the very least could of seriously harmed herself. I didn't know what to say to her. I won't lie I did yell. It scared me. I told her then I was adding another week AND telling her doctors on Monday. I am scared to do this. She is 11 am I supposed to still be in there with her every second she is in the bath? We have forbidden baths. She is only to shower. I am also requesting a medical shower head. To help with the aspiration issues we are both having. I admit she has less of an air leak then I do. I aspirate every single time I shower and cough so hard it makes me puke. (lovely thought I know) but she also has the problem. But that is the negative about her and I do not want to focus on only the negative.
GOOD
The good news is that thanks to her many extra hours of reading she has climbed more then 2 grade levels in her reading! She is also thanks to her 2 hours a week at Sylvan and the 3 extra homework assignments I have been giving her mastering her multiplication tables and even excelling in division. She is a big history buff so when she was assigned her first report to write I surprised her and allowed her (was not required) to type it. I want her to learn now that the more work you put into an assignment the better grade you will receive. She was very proud of that A. She is also doing wonderful in spelling. She has only missed 1 word out of all her spelling tests! Their spelling is basically a self paced study as they "don't have time" to teach it anymore. So I think she is learning a lot this year. Not just book stuff but also about hard work and motivation. I tell her all the time that if she wants to know something all she has to do is put her mind to it. She will be in middle school next year. Where I did not think she would be academically ready at the beginning of the year that is no longer my concern. I am more concerned she isn't emotionally ready lol. She also studies a lot with me which I think helps her in the fact that mom studies all the time and makes good grades and so if she does she will to. I know I blog a lot of the negative with her but I want you all to know her wonderful side. I just get frustrated with her. This is not all her fault. I have to share some of the blame.
The Hubby, well not much has changed for him. Monday he will be taking a crash course in what I call Mr Mom 101. He is going to be attending probably for the first time, all of her clinic appointments. I will be nearby but only he and Nina will know this. We need to make sure he is comfortable with what is going on so that I can plan for him to carry some of the burden while I am in school. He is currently still looking for work. Has even lowered his standards to McDonald's and Burger King. He is officially on his meds and other then fighting with some depression that i firmly believe is linked to his lack of work doing better. I will be very glad when we hear back from the agency we applied for to get him SOME medical help. We had a nice Valentines Day. He made me a nice steak and shrimp dinner. Nina even went to bed for us at 7:30 pm so we could have our "date". It wasn't the date we had planned but you do what you can with what ya got. As a couple we are still very happy together. We have never really been a argueminative couple so I think that helps a lot. Our new favorite thing to do is..... Play Star Trek Online LOL. We each bough the game as our belated ONE YEAR smoke and alcohol free! (We have also been smoke free in another way since Nov). We can usually both be found on there for at least an hour a night. We figured the money we are saving from all those nasty and some STUPID habits we could afford to splurge on that one thing for us both to do.
SCHOOL:
Well I am loving school. In a million years never would of thought that it would bring me so much happiness. Well maybe its self confidence that it has given me. I have made a few friends. Not that I really cared or planned to. I am almost done with my first quarter. In fact we have 2 more weeks of classes left. Then we have a week of finals then spring break for a week. The new quarter begins April 5th. I am in many ways nervous about the finals. Every class will have a final. Unlike midterms where only one class had a midterm. I aced that bad boy by the way lol. Since I only have 3 classes my finals will fall within 2 days. the 23 and 24th i believe. I will do well. I refuse to do any less. I hope that we will get to see how we score on them. My grades are as follows. I am gonna have to say I surprised myself. When I first started I thought I would be lucky to squeak by with a C! I have never in my life been so proud of myself. I am glad I proved myself wrong. I am doing this. I really am.
MY GRADES ARE
English 75 <A+> out of a possible 180 points at midterm my grade was a 181 (gotta love extra credit lol)
Math 91 *pre algebra* <B+> I have an 89 which is 1 LOUSY point from an A
Coll 100 *college readiness course* <A+> My actual grade is a 101.8%
I absolutely can not take 100% of the credit for my success. I have to give some to my AMAZINGLY supportive and understanding Hubby! If it weren't for him keeping the house quiet and cleaning most of the time I would probably never get my homework done! I also need to thank Nina! She reminds me every day that I need to keep working hard. Really she does! The other day I had a head ache and was daydreaming and she said "Hey mom didn't you say homework won't do itself" lol. She does help me stay focused. I also can not forget my sister in cali who messages me every day (nearly just to remind me that I am amazingly smart (her words lol) and how very proud she is of me) I have always looked up to her and it does my heart good to know that she is proud of me. Now I have to say to the following people you have all inspired me in your own ways. Some of you have motivated me probably without realizing it. I can not thank you enough for being a friend and most of all reminding me that I can do this even when it gets hard. Reminding me that after all I have been through this is just icing on the cake.
THANK YOU (in no particular order)
Momntexas. You truly are like a mom to me. One day we will meet. I promise. You have been telling me for YEARS.. I am glad I finally listened.
Casie.. You have taught me that our kids while they may have their issues, those issues do not have to define them OR US. Thank you for being so damn supportive and remaining my friend despite my self sabotaging ways. You have also inspired me to take a personal fitness class next quarter! I will do it. Maybe we can run together one day?!
TESS.. OMG woman I have no clue where I would of been my first few papers. THANK YOU for reminding me that I CAN and AM a good writer once again.
WAR & FLIP you both keep me on my toes and between the both of your knowledge keep me from worrying about my 4legged son. I appreciate your humor and whether you realize it or not your company sometimes via your blogs. There are days when I go to your blogs just to make me smile or laugh!
I wanted to thank you all because I have found myself reflecting to much on those around me who are for one reason or another not being as supportive as I actually thought they would be. So instead of letting them drag me down. I have decided that I would thank those of you who are behind and BESIDE me all the way.
I can not remember the last time I have felt so happy and so proud of something I accomplished. I may be nervous about the classes to come but I know now that I CAN do this. Everything will work out. When I get afraid I just remind myself that I am choosing to make a better life for myself and my family. Thanks for reading this. I leave you with my most recent assignment in English. We had to described one of the most beautiful places we had been. I chose the lake here in town. This is the final draft. The assignment was to be as descriptive as possible using as many of the 5 senses as I could. I got an A on it, I left out a verb that I have since corrected lol. We also had to avoid using the word "you" in it.
A Beautiful Place
Lake Sacajawea Park is the most beautiful place I have visited. The park is an exceptional sight year round . It is a truly peaceful place to take in the sounds of children laughing on the playgrounds, and the crunching of the gravel as joggers pass by. The tall trees of the Arboretum Walk can make someone feel absolutely miniature in comparison. There are 119 different species of trees at the park to enjoy. The graceful Weeping Willow with its green leaves sweeping down provides welcomed shade on a hot summer day. The Autumn Cherry tree has gorgeous white cotton-like blossoms year round. The brilliant red leaves and branches of the Japanese Maple seem to demand attention. The multiple hues of greens, reds, and oranges of all the leaves genuinely bring life to the area. The Japanese Garden is a beauty in its own right. The beauty of the garden instantly embraces the weary jogger. The soft, crunchy, and winding path carries people in and around the garden. There they can enjoy a small chilly pond and the exquisite stone crane statue, engraved artistically with Japanese lettering. A small gazebo is beautifully surrounded with a light tan bamboo fence. If people are needing a rest there are several wooden benches to unwind lazily by the cool lake. Visitors can enjoy the sounds of ducks quacking or squirrels scurrying around. Finally the décor at the lake for the winter holiday season is breathtaking to say the least. Even frigid temperatures can not keep families away from the abundance of holiday spirit twinkling in the night's sky. Cheerfully decorated trees with many illuminating bulbs in red, blue, and green seem to blanket the area and give it new life. The nativity scene is a glorious attraction that shines brightly for all to see. The beauty of Lake Sacajawea Park can not merely be measured in words, it is an experience travelers must enjoy for themselves.
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